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Why Your Conflict Resolution Training Keeps Failing: A Brutal Truth
This Conflict Resolution Myth That's Ruining Your Workplace: The Reason "Win-Win" Approaches Often Generate Greater Issues Than They Fix
I'll about to challenge one of the most cherished beliefs in modern mediation training: the idea that all business conflict can and should be settled through "mutually beneficial" outcomes.
This thinking sounds progressive and compassionate, but after sixteen years of training in conflict resolution, I can tell you it's usually utter nonsense that creates additional issues than it solves.
Here's the fundamental flaw with the "win-win" mindset: it assumes that all conflicts stem from misunderstandings or opposing desires that can be creatively harmonized if parties just communicate sufficiently.
For reality, many organizational disagreements concern legitimate, irreconcilable oppositions in goals, valid rivalry for finite opportunities, or circumstances where certain people really has to win and someone else needs to lose.
We worked with a significant creative firm where the artistic group and the account management team were in constant disagreement about campaign direction.
Artistic staff demanded to produce cutting-edge, award-winning campaigns that would build their industry recognition. Client services teams demanded solutions that would satisfy conservative clients and protect ongoing business relationships.
Both groups had entirely reasonable concerns. Each perspectives were important for the agency's growth.
Management brought in a group of organizational development specialists who dedicated months conducting "collaborative solution-finding" workshops.
Such workshops created detailed "win-win" approaches that appeared sophisticated on paper but were completely unrealistic in reality.
As an illustration, they developed approaches where each campaign would theoretically combine "innovative quality" with "customer approval." They developed detailed evaluation criteria and approval committees meant to guarantee that everyone's concerns were included.
Their consequence: creative development timelines that took significantly extended periods than originally, artistic work that was watered down to the degree of being forgettable, and customers who were frustrated by unclear messaging about creative strategy.
Both groups were increasingly unhappy than before because no one was getting what they really required to do their roles effectively.
Following six months of this dysfunction, I persuaded management to eliminate the "win-win" strategy and create what I call "Realistic Choice Making."
In place of working to act like that each campaign could at the same time satisfy competing objectives, they created definite standards for choosing when creative innovation would get precedence and when client satisfaction would be the top objective.
For prestigious customers where the firm sought to preserve stable partnerships, customer satisfaction would take priority.
For newer clients or community work, artistic people would have increased freedom to create cutting-edge concepts.
For potential industry submissions, creative excellence would be the primary objective.
Each teams knew specifically what the objectives were for every client work, what criteria would influence choices, and what sacrifices were being chosen.
Disagreement between the groups nearly stopped. Each groups were able to concentrate on excelling at what they did professionally rather than endlessly fighting about direction.
Account satisfaction improved because business development teams could honestly discuss creative strategy and expectations. Artistic quality increased on designated campaigns because design teams received definite authority to pursue innovative concepts.
That lesson: working to create "collaborative" approaches for genuinely competing priorities usually results in "compromise" outcomes where no one gets what they genuinely need.
More effective to be honest about choices and make strategic, intelligent decisions about when various goals will receive focus.
Here's one more example of how the "collaborative" mindset causes problems. I worked with a technology engineering organization where lead programmers and junior staff were in constant disagreement about task allocation.
Senior developers insisted on concentrating on complex, high-visibility assignments that would develop their professional growth and boost their market value.
Junior staff required access to complex projects to gain their skills and progress their capabilities.
Limited numbers of high-profile projects meant that giving more assignments to junior people necessarily meant fewer access for established staff.
Leadership hired organizational development consultants who used months trying to develop "creative" solutions that would magically satisfy all parties' professional needs.
The consultants created complex approaches for "joint work responsibility," "development relationships," and "knowledge exchange initiatives."
None of these approaches resolved the basic reality: there were plainly not adequate high-level assignments for everyone to get all they needed.
Their consequence: increased dysfunction in project allocation, delayed decision-making, and persistent conflict from each parties.
We helped them create a straightforward, performance-focused system for assignment distribution:
Senior positions on high-profile projects would be allocated based on proven competence and experience
New team members would receive planned training assignments intended to develop their capabilities methodically
Clear standards and pathways were created for promotion from junior to senior positions
All staff understood specifically what they required to demonstrate to gain access to higher-level levels of project opportunities
Tension among experience levels nearly ended. Junior staff managed to focus on reaching clear development milestones rather than competing for scarce access. Lead team members were able to focus on complex projects without repeatedly protecting their access to these assignments.
Productivity and performance increased dramatically across all performance levels.
That lesson: honest, fair distribution often generates more effective results than forced "win-win" approaches that attempt to eliminate legitimate competition.
At this point let's examine perhaps the most problematic aspect of the "collaborative" fixation: how it shields inadequate employees and damages workplace accountability.
I worked with a government organization where one unit was consistently missing deadlines, delivering inadequate work, and generating problems for other units that counted on their deliverables.
After affected departments raised concerns about these performance problems, management repeatedly replied by arranging "cooperative problem-solving" meetings to find "mutually beneficial" approaches.
Those sessions would invariably end up in complex "workflow modifications" that essentially expected productive teams to compensate for the poor performance of the failing department.
For example, rather than demanding the failing unit to reach standard schedules, the "collaborative" arrangement would be to lengthen all delivery timelines to adjust for their slower productivity.
In place of demanding them to enhance their quality output, different departments would be asked to give more review, assistance, and corrections to account for their substandard output.
Such an approach was incredibly unjust to high-performing teams and systematically rewarded substandard performance.
More problematically, it caused resentment and dissatisfaction among good staff who sensed that their additional effort was being exploited while problematic colleagues were being shielded from consequences.
We persuaded administration to abandon the "mutual benefit" approach and create clear standards management.
Management implemented specific performance expectations for all units, with clear disciplinary actions for consistent inability to reach these requirements.
The underperforming unit was given concrete training and a reasonable deadline to enhance their work. Once they failed to achieve the established standards, necessary staffing actions were implemented.
Their improvement was immediate. Overall performance improved significantly, organizational conflicts decreased, and staff engagement among high employees increased substantially.
The point: real "mutual benefit" results emerge from upholding fair performance levels for everyone, not from reducing standards to enable substandard behavior.
This is what I've concluded after extensive experience of seeing organizations fail with misguided "collaborative" approaches:
Effective issue management demands executives who are ready to make difficult calls, establish consistent expectations, and acknowledge that never all parties can get all they prefer.
Sometimes the right outcome is for one party to succeed and others to accept less. Sometimes the right solution is to get rid of individuals who are unwilling to function professionally within organizational standards.
Furthermore frequently the best approach is to accept that some disagreements reflect basic incompatibilities in priorities that cannot be bridged through dialogue.
End trying to create "mutual benefit" outcomes where they shouldn't apply. Start establishing organizations with fair expectations, reliable implementation, and the courage to make appropriate changes when cooperative efforts aren't sufficient.
The business - and your best staff - need nothing accommodation.
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